


Learning to Love yourself

by Gibbo92



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Endgame Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Fluff and Smut, Light Angst, M/M, Second Chances
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 09:26:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29731773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gibbo92/pseuds/Gibbo92
Summary: 2 years ago Alec made a decision. Despite being gay and his growing attraction to the one and only Magnus Bane he put his duties first and married Lydia Branwell, not only breaking his own heart but breaking the heart of the one man that had the potential to be his everything.6 months ago There was an attack on the New York institute leaving Alec Lightwood a widowerWhilst he never loved Lydia like a man should love his wife, she was still his best friend2 years ago Magnus left New York for London to nurse his broken heart, he had developed feelings for a certain shadowhunter who chose duty over his own heartWhat happens when Magnus returns to New York? Will Alec finally put his needs and wants first and give real love a chance.
Relationships: Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Lydia Branwell/Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Simon Lewis/Isabelle Lightwood
Comments: 7
Kudos: 38





	Learning to Love yourself

**Author's Note:**

> Another Canon divergence.
> 
> Everything happened with Valentine but Magnus and Alec never got together. 
> 
> The whole Jonathon thing never happened.

**Chapter 1**  
  
**" and once again I'm waiting for that damn report that was due two days ago Raj have it on my desk within the hour or your on ichor duty for a week!!" Alec turned on his heel and headed out of the ops centre.**  
  
**" wait up Alec" Jace ran after Alec, it wasnt the first time Alec had lost his cool with a shadowhunter, hell it wasnt even the 2nd time.**  
  
**" Dont tell me I was too harsh on him, Raj is a dick and everyone knows it" Alec turned to face his Parabatai " and where the hell is the high warlock of Brooklyn, she was suppose to be 2 hours ago"**  
  
**" No of course Raj is a dick but and I cant believe I'm sticking up for him but 2 days ago you had him on special assignment, when was he supposed to have the time and as for the high warlock well there isnt one she quit"**  
  
**" what the hell?..that's the 10th one in 6 months How are we supposed to unite the shadow world when there’s no leader for the warlocks, they make up half the population of downworlders in New York" Alec pinched the bridge of his nose, this whole uniting the shadow world was becoming more of a headache than he planned.**  
  
**" I'll talk to Luke again, see if he has some idea on how to make it work with the warlocks. Look take the morning off, you've been working non stop in the last 6 months, not only doing head of the institute stuff but also jobs that other shadowhunters can do. You will run yourself into the ground"**  
  


**" I dont have time to take off Jace, I'm the only head of this institute" Alec stalked off to his office, once he was safely inside, he shut the door and locked it.**  
  
**He knew Jace was right about running himself into the ground but what was he suppose to do, the war with Valentine left numbers short, and well the attack 6 months ago from the rogue downworlders left Alec running the institute by himself and without his wife.**  
  
**💜💜💜**  
  
**" No, no, no and did I tell you, No! I'm not coming back to New York Cat, and I'm definitely not being the high warlock again especially as I would have to work with the delightful newly Mr and Mrs Lightwood"**  
  
**" You haven't heard have you?... but then again you only ring me once a year and you never want to hear anything"**  
  
**" what are you talking about Cat. What havent I heard" Magnus was curious**  
  
**" there was an attack on the New York institute 6 months ago.. Lydia Branwell died. Your shadowhunter is a widower"**  
  
**Magnus was stunned, after Alec had told him that he they couldnt be together, he had upped and left New York, he wasnt mad at Alec for choosing a life of denial, he understood why but it broke him and he couldnt stick around.**  
  
**" Magnus you there"**  
  
**" what...yeah. Lydia died?"**  
  
**" Yeah she died protecting your shadowhunter, jumped in front of rogue downworlder"**  
  
**" all more reason for me not to return, he must hate the downworlders, they killed his wife"**  
  
**" well its quite the opposite it actually, he's united the majority of the downworlders, it's just the warlocks now but he cant do it without a high warlock and let's say the ones we’ve had well how do I put this politely...would be more useful if they would turn themselves into frogs. Magnus without the warlocks there will be no united downworld, he’s running out of time, if he cant get all downworlders on board in 6 weeks, the Clave will rewrite the laws that will not benefit us, we will once again be hunted just for the fact we breathe"**  
  
**Magnus sat back in his chair, he didnt know what to do, he really didnt want to return to New York, his feelings were still there for Alec they never went away, he tried drinking, he tried fucking everything that moved but it didnt work, he still wanted Alec and he didnt know if he would be able to be in such close proximity to Alec and put his feelings aside. But if he didnt return then what quality of life would the downworlders have. He knew what he had to do**  
  
**" Fine. Tell the council I will return as the high warlock of Brooklyn. I'll be back to New York next week"**  
  
**" thank you Magnus, I know this wont be easy for you but I'm here by your side"**  
  
**" thanks Cat"**  
  
**💜💜💜**  
  
**" Mr Lightwood, you tried but we have no choice, without the warlocks there cant be a United shadow world" Jia Penhallow sat back curtly in her chair.**  
  
**" If I may politely remind you that I have 6 weeks left to get the warlocks on board" Alec hated Jia, she wasnt on board with this idea from the start and now she was trying to put it to end when there was still a chance.**  
  
**" hmm but how are you going to do that with no high warlock"**  
  
**" I..." Alec was about to argue that he would find a solution when a fire message landed on his desk, he quickly scanned it " with the high warlock of Brooklyn, the warlock council have found a warlock"**  
  
**" who's the new high warlock?"**  
  
**Alec looked down at the message before looking back up" doesn’t say...."**  
  
**" That's because I wanted to re-introduce myself "**  
  
**Alec's attention immediately turned to the door way to his office, he couldnt believe his eyes, he hadnt changed one bit and all the feelings he tried so hard to bottle away came flooding back.**  
  
**" Hello Mr Lightwood. Long time no see" Magnus smiled**

  
" **I thought you quit. Mr Bane"**  
  
**" well I'm back" Magnus eyes flickered to Alec before turning his attention back on Jia.**  
  
**" you do realise you have 6 weeks to unite everyone or we will have no choice but to change the laws"**  
  
**"Yes I'm very well aware of the fact that you will treat us like shit again"**  
  
**" that's not..."**  
  
**Magnus threw his hand up to interrupt her " no of course the laws wont state that but I know the Clave, I know how you work. Now if you would please leave if me and Mr Lightwood have 6 weeks we need to get started. Isnt that right?"**  
  
**Alec was deep in thought when he realised Magnus and Jia was looking at him " yes Mr Bane is correct"**  
  
**" Very well. Mr Lightwood have you considered my other proposal"**  
  
**Alec wanted to scream was she really doing this here in front of Magnus, he didnt want to do this in front of Magnus " Jia my wife has been dead for only 6 months. Give it a fucking break!! I run the institute alone. Now if you would I have work to do!"**  
  
**Magnus watched as Jia gave Alec a long pointed look before standing up and walking out of Alec's office, he then turned his attention back on Alec who was sat staring at his desk, walking forward he sat down in front of Alec who looked up at him**  
  
**" So Its been a while"**  
  
**" yes Alexander it has. I'm sorry to hear about your wife"**  
  
**" are you?...sorry that was an asshole move. I didn't mean it.. not that it excuses it but Jia well she drives me nuts, that women is worse than the devil himself"**  
  
**" its okay Alexander. But yes I liked Lydia and no matter of the reason you married her, its not nice losing someone and I'm sure you cared for her in some way"**  
  
**" I may not of loved her like a man should love his wife but I did love her, she became my best friend"**  
  
**" I can imagine. So 6 weeks to get the warlocks on board?**  
  
**" yeah can we do it though?. They wont give me an extension"**  
  
**" of course we can, I've already spoken to two warlocks that are in agreement that they want this as well they want the same rights, so why dont you tell me what you need from me"**  
  
**💜💜💜**

  
**Magnus groaned as his head hit the pillow, they had made good progress, Alec told him all about how his overall aim was to have everyone working a long side of each other rather against, he was also planning weekly meetings to discuss things that were working and weren’t working, he was offering full transparency, he even wanted downworlders to teach shadowhunters how they do things so rather them running in and killing out of control newly turned vampires they could help them.**  
  
**Magnus wasnt going to lie, seeing Alec had been hard, nothing had changed for him, he still felt the strong pull towards the shadowhunter and he could tell Alec felt the same way. But what could he do Alec still couldnt accept that he was gay.**  
  
**💜💜💜**  
  
**Alec closed his eyes as he felt the hot water hit his skin, seeing Magnus has been an experience and half, he had tried and tried to convince himself what he had felt was all in his head but one look at Magnus and he knew it would never just be in his head. Seeing Magnus had reminded him of the last words Lydia said to him.**  
  
_" Alec we both know I wont make it as far as the infirmary, please promise me something" Alec looked down and Lydia in his arms, he was trying to get her to the infirmary but he knew it was a futile attempt_  
  
_" anything Lydia. Anything you want?"_  
  
_" learn to love who you are. I never said anything before because I know it makes you uncomfortable but Alec I know you're gay and your feelings that you had for Magnus" Lydia put a hand on Alec's cheek. " promise me that if you’re ever given the chance to feel something like that again, you will take it. Whether that's with Magnus or some other man" Lydia's voice was weak Alec knew she didnt have long left. He had to make the promise even if he could never fulfil it._  
  
_" I promise Lydia, I promise I will learn to love and accept who I am, and if i ever get chance to feel what I've felt in the past. I'll take the chance" Alec tried to sniff back the tears, he may not be in love with her, but she was his best friend, Alec felt her hand slip off his cheek. She was gone._  
  
**Alec blinked the tears away. At the time he knew it was an empty promise for the fact that even if he could learn to accept himself, he knew that he could never have feelings for someone the way he had feelings for Magnus however Magnus was here and just Maybe it was time to fulfil his promise.**  
  
  



End file.
